poetically ink-lined…..
J.B is who i am……
What do i do? I write……i dont bend my words for the sake of society’s ideologies, and i dont sugar coat bitter truths……Oral ink is a blog that exposes the truth as it is, i choose not to limit myself to anything because the heart speaks what the heart feels and my mind roams around basically everything, so……just expect the truth and nothing but the Truth……😎see you around!
Inside Life
Give me a hug will you?
It’s pretty sad how far gone I am in my mind, I dwell on flashbacks.
I’ve tried to awaken this sleeping beast but putting him behind a cage makes it difficult to communicate all nine tales of Pain. Did I fail again?
I’ve carried a gourd on my back filled with sand from soil from each phase but you’re wrong if you think ablution is the reason my face is masked in it.
while I journey this vast space of nothingness,
this desert, in 360 all I see is a brown line separating sky from dirt a reminder that there is indeed a thin line between life and death and playing 50 questions with God doesn’t assure answers like from a game of who goes first?
Daughter of the light, best friend of the dark.
Do you get me?
do you get that all I’m saying is I’m trapped in my mind, i breathe the same air with monsters from my past that come at times when I’m most vulnerable in my times when I’m back to black, trapped, no, not trapped, made to believe I’m stuck by my own inability, no desire to break free.
Do you get that im a sucker for asking for help coz this is my mind, I should have control over it so even when I’m overwhelmed I would hardly ever yell.
do you get that im a deep dark well and it’s in the deep dark parts I find these patterns to my art. I’m so open everyone draws out of me, taps from me,
I’ve been victim to someone’s game of kiss and tell so yeah I’d rather sew up pretty well like a stuffed doll who hurts quietly on the inside after every bad fall. Of course I will smile because Teddy bears meant for hugging never come with faces stuck on frowning.
So even though I convince myself im sensitive to hugging
asking only means I’m ready to let you in coz you’re someone I put my trust in.
And if you say No, it’s fine,
to all the girls and all the boys.
denying a begger of course is no big deal so I’ll walk away and try to heal quietly hurting beneath my silent noise
coz after all, a begger has no choice right?
this is my inside life
it’s a scary place to attempt to thrive,
up inside your mind
so why build mansions and live off the grid with no bills to pay but continually live on pills
smothering that fiery ability to pray.
Is this your inside Life? living with tenants worry and his wife self pity?
you apologize to everyone for hurting them but to you, you’ve never mastered the courage to say sorry to your own self, worry pays his rent and keeps on surviving.
You take your pills and still have problems sleeping.
you stay in church tell everyone you have faith in God but you’re a sucker when it comes to believing.
you live in constant fear
oh what needless pain you bear.
oh what a brute kinda life we share.
Jb bozie
Everyone wants to be the positive example, always on the receiving end, no one will clearly admit to being cursed.
But me, I’ve known what cursed feels like and it’s for this reason I feel what grace feels like. And it’s not just that refreshing feeling of going to bed a sinner and waking up a beginner with a prayer of thanks for an unmeritted kind gesture from a God who is all seeing. No.
for me, grace is knowing I’ve once been cursed, I’ve died, decayed and been made anew.
Thus saith the Lord,
Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart
departeth from the Lord.
all I’ve ever done,
known to do was trust in man.
convincing myself man had all the answers, but their answers led me to believe I was an alien to a foreign God with a mind too little, too naive, to inexperienced, too light.
Making up excuses for man, the centre of my joy.
the reason for my smiles
the only way I could ever be made whole was through the love of a man till I realized how foolishly wrong I was but it was too late, I had already slain so many men by my vicious glances and hating heart that I failed to recognize the one who truly offered all those things, because he too had come in the form of man. how convenient.
My sight became clouded, sickly, failing.
my heart had no more room for anything, you’d think it was filled to the brim but contrarily thoroughly empty and yet nothing could go in. I forbade it.
No one had the right to even dare think of venturing any closer but not even close to not venturing was the thought of the God who wore strapped sandals and carried no load and yet claimed he was a carrier of burdens.
What a drag! (rolling my eyes)
such was my attitude.
but persistence won my attention when he won’t stop ringing in my ear and doing things with my attention,
that someone always got me picking up lines from books in the Bible that fell like missing pieces in the puzzle that was taking forever to complete. Me.
Then he spoke a word……Alliance.
Huh?
“Let’s reign together”
Every other religion was established by someone based on perception of the world and how they think it should be or by instruction from a mystic being, or by an ideology, a philosophy, signs but this was a God coming up to my door not to ask me to look down on any other religious beliefs but to trust, love and accept all men for they were my brothers.
“….For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh…….”
how could I see the good things that came?, when my attention was on letting nothing in. How could I focus on a God I had never seen when i couldn’t even focus on all the things here that I had already seen and known, understood. my faith had been nothing but a pile of scrap slowly saying bye on sinking sank.
I had a choice.
To take his hand or raise a glass to all the bullshit that had been going on.
I took his hand. snatched my faith and sent decadence to hell with most of my demons who fled coz damn! I have a God. Not a genie, not a gun, a God! whose steps were music on replay, a silent assurance communicated to me by virtue of a calmness in my soul and a smile on my face while I walked on cursed soil.
What we don’t see is the emptiness in the eyes of those we think have souls maybe because we’ve not taught ourselves to recognize life formed by an alliance with God.
To some all I’ve said so far is crap. I understand. Coz one thing about true conviction, is that, no amount of words spoken from lips of flesh and blood can truly tame the beastic heart that only believes in violence or the Thomastic heart that only believes in seeing.
Only God…….only God.
Preachers will only sound like well…,.preachers.
Hymns will only sound like hymns.
And the word of God will sound nothing like the word of God if you’re bent on believing God is null and void. After all, Agreement is only established after acceptance of an offer.
So while you may not agree to his existence now, the offer still stands, join the alliance and don’t be the resistance.
Jb bozie
Always” was always to me a charmer, a bright soul, a soothing assurance with embers for eyes and truths that replaced lies.
Always was a man I’d never thought will ever leave.
The first man supppsed to see me in any gown.…I hoped.
Always was the man who gave me life, a superhero who could never be wrong, or perhaps I was wrong to call him daddy coz to a child, daddy never leaves.
Daddy…Not my first words I’m sure
but the life in my home, the light in my childhood, the man who captained ships, my home, my heart….my always,
taken from me by the hand of another man silenced forever by politics.
Are you surprised I’m the girl who’s ship wrecked,
who was left stranded on an Island with no sense of direction, without a father’s hand or a definition of a man.
Are you surprised I’ve searched for his heart in others, his love in others, his light in others, his life in others? Making demands and asking the world to be selfless like he was, and forcing people to love me by his standards?
oh yeah right.
I’m playing the victim again.
sorry.
Always.
Always took life again as years went by, transformed into another version of love, this time much different. Governed by self made standards that needed to be strictly taken note of, one wrong move and it’s a miscommunication, a misinterpretation or just plain negligence and never my fault anyway.
the rules were clear;
be nice,
love me with all you’ve got,
no room for second options,
I don’t play “side chick”
I’m a cold queen, a stranger, your fever, your morphine, period!
And second chances are hardly something I give so don’t mess up. I’m sorry but anyone who’s ever left never returned, somehow they just continued to walk away and yes they had reason to so being ruthless or heartless is self defense (nobody really gets that, coz I never explain) I was never one to wear cute and cuddly costumes on a hunt, harmless as I may seem, being alone almost all your life teaches you things like keeping people at a distance. Coz usually, too close and I won’t let go, ever.
I’m that stupidly loyal to a fault. That’s what you get for making wolves your pets.
Always..always leaves.
I want to be your friend always left.
I will always love you, left.
I will always be there for you left.
I will always tell you the truth left.
I will always come back no matter what, left.
Always always leaves, but I can’t bring myself to understand that always has a mind that forgets, a heart that moves on and a life that changes or ends
So me being here on this island thinking Always will return is just self inflicting torture but the pain is mild in enduring their absence yet hoping they will return….(knowing they will return)
it’s very much subtle as compared to accepting they moved on without me, leaving me here alone to die.
I dread anything that reflects me, I can’t believe any good thing said about me because I know me, and I know the lengths to which I have gone to not feel so alone on this stupid cold island.
So don’t idolize this pain, don’t desire to write in blood, don’t applaud it, don’t become a slave by it, don’t yearn for it coz this thing you call talent feeds on nothing but pain, all it serves is emotions, which for me is the outcome of a shaking hand an awry mood and perhaps an irk or a mournful heart.
And although I embrace it coz it’s all I’ve got to speak out, in all honesty, it’s not worth the hype.
Jb bozie
Sorry
Sorry wasn’t meant to carry much weight,
all it had to do was nullify.
sorry wasn’t meant to be insulting
what it really meant to do was clarify.
sorry wasn’t meant to be inadequate, it was suppose to be enough to fill up all those empty holes.
sorry was made to be self sufficient, not requiring further explanation,
just hugs, tears, kisses and even more love.
sorry was supposed to be greater than pride,
stronger than stealth
weak in no ends
sorry was birthed to have no ends
just beautiful beginnings at what seemed like the end
sorry was birthed to know no rest but forever loiter in the presence of men.
sorry was meant to be savoury
not bitter as bile
or painful as death
sorry was made to tell it all,
feelings, truth with an endless breath.
sorry was made for tradition, morality, love, friendships, marriages,
but now it’s left to beg on the streets.
nobody wants to be sorry anymore
because father’s have taught their sons that apologizing is weakness
and mother’s have taught their daughters that men should be made to fall to their knees before them and with gifts before sorry could be considered for acceptance.
Hearts should be played at the expense of sorry
sorry has been taken for granted and pride, greed, maliciousness have replaced her sobriety.
sorry is going extinct and nobody really cares,
Nobody.
Soul
You poor poor poor soul of mine. I truly have mistreated you haven’t I? Made you prone to attacks empty handed.
while I was supposed to pick up weapons for you on our way, i was too busy pawning my heart, my sanity, my life in exchange for nothing of value.
Cutting out a path of our own refusing to be a part of a brutes game,
setting fire to everything and everyone who offered me a way to breathe but still I had to lose it all to understand that the truth is the only thing that sets free.
Soul. I’ve given your access codes to folly, to reapers to hollows to everything that could be casualty to us but I can’t deny there’s parts of you I’ve allowed others to take.
And how they’ve tempered with our appearance, our beliefs, our sense of direction and our definition of trust.
Soul, you’ve been sober
hitting at the thin glass wall that separates you from me like a ghost I refuse to see, trying to get me to rehabilitate but this addiction called lies…..sealed me
I had been kissed from a rose on its way to wait for me on my grave while you watched, weeping, screaming, worn, wretched, desperate to get me to notice you. All this time and you’re still here, one of the few things that never left, the loyal
part of me whom I’ve broken, made impure yet you let me know in many ways we’re not done,
that, this isn’t it.
Dear Soul, I’ve tried to unlive and outlive my life, selfishly relegating you to the background, forgetting that you’re the one who gets to fight the battles and all I do is sulk. .my sweet soul, how you’ve longed to fight, to join the battles so, this time, let’s do this together, all of us.
Equations
And I’m not just talking
finding exes and whys to give a precedent to equal to.
I’m not just talking let ‘b’ represent the better half I do not have that I have to find
or ‘I’ being replaced by something more difficult to map to me
I’m not just talking my inability to connect or to make sense of. But yeah I’ve been the problem the undone, the begone, the role, the niche, the silence, the exit the metaphor the exorcist and a corrupt war,
and perhaps the reason this equation requires solving coz there are way too many exes who’ve left me with why’s.
Don’t get me wrong though, but when you stand with people who get you addicted to lies quantity demanded increases because those lies become the only truth you’ve known….,so much so that when the truth is made available you’ll rather beg to be fed lies. Are you still wondering why the gospel is being vehemently rejected?
very few people give in to change not because it’s difficult to adapt or believe but because half of us are scared of it being true. what you don’t know can’t harm you right?
While letting my ego swallow me is the reason I look for love in a stranger’s pain, I know first, before anything, I need to admit that I’m broken. no….that’s too cliche…….I need to admit that I’m lacking whatever antibodies I require to counter these antigens of hopelessness, fear, low self esteem…..alladat…….alladat.
this equation, the embodiment of nomenclature and protein cognition, talent, mischief and clay. Me. my anatomy…. but I have prayed for a new me….by substitution method I’ve also prayed for an end by elimination method, but that was when I failed to understand that his power was meant to be made perfect in my weaknesses so instead of beating me up all I had to do was boast gladly in my weaknesses in preparation for a manifestation.
No. this love was never meant to be homicide but the kind that was meant to give life, not take it. so this equation that I thought was void for which I was always waging war for feeling faulted and incomplete against a God who is truly love who’s forever scarred just for grabbing me just in time while being dragged to hell.
No, there’s no exes and whys anymore, just valid reasons for leaving and opened doors.
Mirror
I’ve never really thought of it this way. maybe I’ve got my wig fitted on those mosquito coil corn row simulation way too tight to figure out if the fault is from this fixture on the bathroom wall or just me.
Silly me.
more liner I guess.
line upon line
darker, deeper, coat on coat
doing me up and dimming my light with a false image i have imprinted in my mind, my wanna-be.
I thought my soul was meant to be private
who are all those people I see
in the mirror with me.
the child in tattered clothes,
with a bright red umbrella,
covered in dirt, seemingly lost being told she’s good for nothing, being told she will become nothing till she succumbs to becoming like them.
A mind of a child being forced to mature like a fruit plugged off a tree way before it’s time.
Time has since passed by but the imprint remains,
and yea though I struggle to find my way cos perhaps a lot has been taken, a lot that I desperately want replaced,
and yea though my mirror tells me I’ve wasted sleep, and stars falling out my eyes, I stand for an unbecoming to an era of girls like me forced to grow up too soon, who has seen way too much to believe in humanity anymore, who will rather addict to antidepressants than face a mirror. You aren’t what you become when life happens and no a mirror doesn’t define you like this century has forced us all to believe, to think. We can’t keep deliberately washing up any shore seeking purpose, a use, a definition, someone else’s definition.
No. so mirror mirror on the wall. I ain’t asking who the fairest is anymore because guess what, my soul is private and so is my inner man, so this standard of setting beauty on a scale of one to ten based on size, or smiles, or brows with prominent jurisdictions and lashes with wide coverage and clothes with no coverage, take a minute and study a heart, a soul, a mind.
and to all of you who’ve had to question your existence,
who think you stand for nothing,
baby, you can’t be brave if you’ve had only wonderful things happen to you, and you can’t have the privilege of standing tall, if you’ve never fallen short.
jb bozie
PAPAÂ SAYS
(spoken word)
Written by JB Bozie
Isnt it heart breaking how love has lost its meaning to the most of us?
Isnt it heart breaking that we wake up every single day
Desperately hoping for change yet on the news there’s always one last respect to pay
For the dead who have no business being dead ,
At nineteen, or twelve, or ten.
Isnt it heartbreaking that to most of us, love is nothing but an excuse to win a partner for the applause of society when in reality you’re only playing games with her heart with all impiety without the intentions of making her your rightful property.
Morality has died and we the youth, bury her,
singing praises at her funeral while yet adorning her
crowning an era of modernity for the majority of those who worship guns, who look down on gender equality, stabbing at humanity by offering cursory glances and judging those we’ve tagged embracers of homosexuality.
This isn’t us.
This isn’t who we were meant to be.
This isn’t the definition of love left to us by a man who for the sake of love surrendered his authority and sovereignty just so he could publicly declare us royalty by stripping down his pride as king for the salvation of all humanity.
But what do we see today;
We constantly abuse the earth, raping her in the guise of exploring mines and giving bour-geois names to what was only meant to be stone and rock, to raise the standard of ‘WHO YOU ARE’
selling to the highest bidder at the mercy of the poor, the sick, the dying, widows, these very same people who Christ consistently turned our attention towards through sermons.
Papa says; Love, even if you don’t get love in return love,
Not for your benefit but for the sake of others, love,
Not to quench your lustful habits but to preach the gospel of our Lord and Savoiur Jesus Christ, love.
Even when they burn you at the stake of societal opinion, love.
Even when to others you seem a fool with no sense of direction love.
Teach yourself to fall in love for the right reasons,
Teach yourself to not only love when its in convenient seasons.
Teach yourself to love despite, regardless, love.
JB Bozie
I prayed for a heart of flesh daily to understand what makes up for God being God. What I didn’t know was my human make was not quite ready for the weight of a heart like that because believe you me, a heart of flesh is heavier than that of stone in every sense. With a heart that feels the pain of mankind and of nature and of self, you could only ask for a body heavier than the cross to bear it all.
so when you pray for a heart of flesh be more than ready to face thoughts of giving up on life because the insane truth of ingratitude will lead you to a cross that isn’t yours to carry.
being human has taught me things like;
people will apologise for things they aren’t sorry for and people will always tell lies to achieve things they’re thirsty for and a heart of flesh, may not be able to contain the overwhelming nature of mankind’s greed and selfish ambitions.
When you give parts of you to people who don’t return them, you’re likely to get cold from waiting in the dark and in no time your heart turns cold because you snap back at people who approach you because you’re too focussed on the direction you expect your thief to come from. Here I am still trying to thaw my heart, but its dawned on me that being as stone, I’m not likely to get hurt. But you need to ask, what of the lives you have touched, or the little ones that look up to you, or the man that hangs on the cross carrying your sins looking down at you. There can’t be a going back.
so when you pray for a heart of flesh
be more than ready to embrace unrequited love
be more than ready to be alone
be more than ready to get accustomed to pain
be more than ready to feel used
be more than ready to receive stakes and daggers
be more than ready to cry countless tears
me more than ready to die to self
be more than ready to be forgotten
be more than ready to embrace death.
and if you’re not ready for all these things, if you cannot suppress the painful side of Wisdom, when you get to see people for what they are and this world for what it is, when you finally begin to understand that the world will never change, when you can finally give up on trying to change things and people for the better, brother, sister, till you can care without a care in this whole world, you are not ready for a heart of flesh so don’t go asking coz there is no shielding it from poisonous darts from people closer than disciples.
JB Bozie 
ORAL-INK 